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2022-01-19

Lately I’ve been passing time by listening to music on my headphones and getting lost in my feelings. At first I was listening to music that impacted me in my early 20s, then in my teens, and now I just want to listen to everything on my headphones.

(i'm just trying to find love)

Utada released a new album today and I spent the whole day listening to it on my headphones. It’s such a beautiful album that tells a story of self-discovery, self-love, having the courage to be vulnerable,and what it means to love others. It really feels like Utada takes you by the hand and leads you into their heart.

(soft...intimate...bold...uplifting...)

I feel like when I listen to music on my headphones, I start yearning for the past...for something that felt like a “simpler time”. But when I think about it, I like the person I am today a lot more. What am I yearning for?

(do i dare be vulnerable)

I think my emotions have been running high because I’m a little stressed about navigating my new job and have lingering feelings of isolation after moving back to suburbia. I’m a little more comfortable living at home now, although my frustrations with losing control over what I eat remain.

Can’t believe I look forward to watching an anime that makes me tear up.

(tender...precious...heartwarming...)

What do you look like when you cry?

I’m looking forward to the city opening up again. I look forward to taking more floral arrangement classes. It felt very satifsying to do something that challenged your creativity and perception of space.

Maybe I yearn for optimism and hope.
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that was then   but this is now   what is next?

home   is this still me?