2022-02-10
tw: suicide, death
a friend told me someone she recently broke up with took his own life shortly after the breakup. she reached out because she wanted to know if there was anything i watched or read that helped with my sadness when david passed away in an accident.
this question made me realize that i don’t really have a lot of memories of a key piece of media that got me through one of the darkest periods of my life. i just remember not being able to listen to music, or watch tv, or go on social media...i think i was unable to consume media for a few months.
it’s so interesting to see how differently people respond to grief...my friend is actively seeking solutions to help her heal and i am so in awe of her strength.
i remember wanting to give up so many times...
i’ve also come to realize how far i’ve come in my healing process. i’m now able to say david’s name out loud without breaking down, and i feel like i’m more willing to talk about it with other people (even though i definitely still tear up). i kind of hate that the platitude of time healing all wounds is true. it makes me sad that my memories blur over time, and that i might forget the feeling of david’s fleshy palms or how much he disliked me putting my hot hands on his cool body.
i cried just now thinking about eventually losing my memories of david
it makes me think of mad’s tweet “sharing is a way to remember yourself”
emoting on the internet helps me keep the memory alive